A backward poet writes inverse.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's alright now.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Police were called to a day care center where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.