В Вашем стихе, конечно, ужасно много недочетов, совершенно сбился ритм и тд и тп,
но меня зацепила образность, картинки...
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I’m flying through dust of the Universe
With comets and planets close by,
An emptiness only is run to earth,
Our home’s in a million miles.
The starship is rushing with all sails set
It’s whirling away God knows where,
And no one knows when I get home, I bet,
For me there is calm space to stare.
You’re out of my sight, I can’t feel you near,
But inside I know you are there.
The Universe, boundless and infinite,
Can’t equal the moment our lips will meet…
Bright stars, and the sky, and the shining sun -
I’ll put them aside, as you are
The most striking marvel, the matchless one
Our Universe has had so far.
And love is alike force of gravity –
The further your heartbeat’s from me
The stronger my yearning for you is, dear,
For your laugh and sunlight smile near.